Movie Review-THOR

Thor Review and artwork by ZEES...
First off, I gotta say that I love superhero movies for the simple fact that I always wanted to see these characters in live- action…The coolest moment when I was 6, I got the whole series of the live-action Spiderman TV show on bootleg VHS.  It didn’t have any of the actual Spiderman villains in it.  Just mobsters.  I was happy with it because it was all that was out there.  He was a superhero dropped into a non-comics universe; it was the best I got.  But if you got a movie like Thor, a summer blockbuster, with all those fancy special effects, you have to introduce this character to a broader audience.

How do you make a good story while making this superhero approachable to a new audience?  Easy, Norse gods with British accents and a hero that’s so blond and blue eyed it would make the Arian nation spit!
The special effects were great, as I’ve come to expect from a movie like this.  The city looked like Jack Kirby’s panels with less reliance of inks to show its shine.  I kept trying to imagine all the backgrounds with Kirby’s hand on it.  Especially, the large statues that lined pathways just screamed Kirby. 
 Thor is a badass dude.  He can summon lighting with his yoyo hammer, he’s got kick ass armor, & he’s super strong.  We know that, and basically that’s the way it was written, "So, this is Thor, you already know him, and he's got this brother, Loki. Loki doesn't like Thor...what else do I need to explain? Oh, and uhhh...Loki does magic."
Besides that, when Thor gets sent to Earth, which was so incredibly boring until the end, he’s the biggest dead beat mooch when he doesn’t have his godly strength.   
Natalie Portman’s character, Jane, seems like she’s doing her thing as a successful scientist? meteorologist? Aurora Borealis fanatic? She then runs into some weirdo in the dead of night, hits him with her car then falls deeply in love with him at first sight, after he just drops out of the sky in some rainbow tornado lightshow.  What is it that Jane actually does?  In the comics, I thought she was a nurse, but as soon as she runs into Thor, her “life’s work” gizmos and room full of things is taken by SHIELD.  Thor’s just a big ol’ dumbass when he’s not smashing ice giants.  Then, his friends show up and destroy the whole town.  What woman wouldn’t be in love with Thor at this point? Oh, he showed you a chicken scratch doodle of his solar system?  Shit, let him in MY panties…
Meanwhile, Odin is taking a nap, or as it’s referred to, Odinsleep.  That must have been a great gig for Anthony Hopkins, “you are the king of Asgard, you get to sit on a horse, wear a metal eye patch, and half way through the movie, you get to take a nap.  Give me a tear.”  Sweet gig! It’s never actually explained what Odinsleep is, but when there are holes in the script that don’t explain exactly what things like Odinsleep are, can they just drop in a little footnote from now on:

“Odinsleep is a state of deep sleep where Odin recharges the Odinforce and is left as vulnerable as a mortal. The duration of the Odinsleep varies from time to time; sometimes it's a single night while other occasions are for more than a week.”

I thought he was supposed to be this strong stoic elder god... he always seemed like a mix between an old testament God and a grouchy dad in the comics.  Instead, has a stroke and takes a big long nap, recharges like a battery, and leaves Loki to be a little prick.


I will say, Loki was the best written in the whole movie.  He wore his helmet for almost the whole movie too. I know Thor has had it off and on in the comics, so I can excuse it not being on all the time in the movie but Loki always wears it, and he looked badass; the costume design was top notch. Thor looked like he was getting choked a little when he sat down though.   Data's...oh I mean Loki’s pain was some real shit.  He could pass for being Asgardian, but he knew that he couldn’t be king because he was really a tiny ice giant.  
 You saw how they treated Heimdall?  Only black Norse god, he’s just as strong as Odin & Thor, sees and hears everything through time & space, and they got him working door security.  Just shouting his name when they needed him to open the door, “Heimdall, take me here, Heimdall take me there, pick me up Heimdall.”  I wouldn’t give a fuck neither if Thor wanted to go fight the ice giants.  “Shit, keeping me over there by myself all the time, while you get to live in that nice gold city, I can hear what you say about me behind my back.  So kiss my ass Odin, lets start a war.  I’ll be fine, I’m just as strong as you are.”  If it got really bad, he could just teleport himself to a vacation spot. 
 [EDITOR'S NOTE: There's a pretty good SPOILER in the last paragraph, so read at your own risk!]
I’d give Thor a 3 out of 5.  It was basically a nice setup for The Avengers, but the jumping between realms made my head spin.  I loved seeing Luke Cage beat up Thor [EDITOR'S NOTE: GAAASP!], and Hawkeye was a nice touch.  Anyone see Walt Simonson sitting next to Sif at the end?
 -Z
 ZEES is the graffiti artist, illustrator and cartoonist behind the hilarious webcomic Mini Battle Men, which makes its print debut in our Luke Cage tribute issue, the GhettoManga Quarterly Sweet Christmas Special. 

3 comments:

B_Steelo said...

I liked the hammer spinning

Wolf Windblade aka Adofo said...

This is the best movie review i ever read in my whole stinkin comic book reading LIFE!!! GWAAA hahahaha!!!! GO ZEE! ZEE, Z these muthafrackums!!!

samax said...

Yeah, Zees SMASHED it! I actually want to see the movie now...

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